sincerely, yours
by thesweetsummerchilde
Summary: "hey nii-san," in which Hinata writes letters to her cousin. - nejihina


**Rated** : T for brief mention of death.

 **Summary** : "Hey Nii-san..." In which Hinata wrote letters to her cousin.

 **Author's Note** : This is neither my first fanfic nor my first-published work, but still, my first Naruto fanfic. And I haven't even finished two chapters of the manga. Haven't watched an anime episode either! Pfffff...

Anyway, please read and review! Oh, and constructive criticism too! Please? Pretty please with a cherry on top? No? You know, you just officially break my heart!

 **Disclaimer** : **Nope, I do not own Naruto. If I did, Neji would no way die, and NejiHina would be canon already. The cover art belongs to its owner (unfortunately, I can't find whose this picture is). The song, _Wish You Were Here_ , belongs to Delta Goodrem and Sony Music. You really should listen to that song while read this - it is amazing!**

* * *

Hey nii-san,

I know you will never be able to read this letter. Yes, I know. But thinking about you, that just in the same day, you were still looking at me, still holding my hand... These moments seemed so real. They were reality, something I can grasp hold on. And... maybe I just need to let something out.

We were just back. A few hours ago, after, you know. Mostly alive. Everyone has deep injuries, but safe and sound nonetheless. And many people have died. So many people, ones I know, ones I don't, but still so many... Something tugged painfully in me at the sight, at puddles of blood and corpses lying listlessly. It looked like a glimpse of hell on earth...

And then you were in front of me. Red blood and fierce flame, remnants of the wooden projectiles shattered on the ground around your body. You looked fragile, broken, nii-san, something untouchable, like an illusion... For all the time I've known you, never have I seen you like that... It scared me beyond comprehension. A thin line of red liquid streamed out your mouth, your eyes two empty orbs, void of any emotion. So cold... Usually they are unreadable, but that moment... they just looked inhuman.

It was all like a dream... I didn't really know what I should feel. You, my brother, my friend, my trainer, had just left the cage...

I should have gone berserk, or should have burst into tears. People expected me to throw a tantrum. But I just couldn't, I simply couldn't. It felt like looking in someone else's perspective, someone else's life... Nothing involved me, it was all just a dream. Far away, far away.

Nii-san, what was wrong with me?

I can't do anything right, it seems... Had I used Eight Trigrams: Palm Rotation, maybe you would still be here. Was I, at that moment, insane?

Maybe I was. I... I don't know. Naruto was there, caught off guard, and it was only impulse in me that controlled my body.

I don't know if you are in heaven, and furthermore, I don't know why I am here, writing this letter. Maybe you don't even want to see me now. But some crazy, stubborn parts of me desperately want a connection with you, that dreaded to hold on to the remembrance of you - as a lively person, not a faded figure.

And... I just want to say thank you. For everything. It is too late now, and you can't even hear it... But thank you.

Sincerely, Yours

* * *

 _I've been knock, knock, knocking at the thought of your door_

 _But you're not, not, not here anymore_

 _I ring, ring, ring - you're every thought in my head_

 _But I can't get through, the connection is dead._

* * *

Hey nii-san,

It has been a week since the war was over, and everything has been settling itself down. Slowly, but the progress is there.

Of all the business and normal work, Ino-chan's flower shop may be the most successful. I was destroyed beyond belief, the front door shattered, roof completely blown away, but even that can't stop Ino. You can't believe how busy she is nowadays!

I was there today...

She asked me what kind of flower I wanted, and I... I just realized I don't know your favourite.

I don't know what you like to do, I don't know your favourite dishes, and I can barely remember your birthday.

It is horrible, it is, that even when you were still here, I didn't take time to really know you... I just accepted your presence, like it was obvious. And know, when you are gone, my mind just starts to erase you... Like an useless information, and to me, you were anything but _useless_ , you weren't, you weren't, you aren't...

My protector, my family... nii-san, and I don't know a single thing about you. Even Lee-kun, Tenten-chan or Naruto-kun know you better than I - your blood cousin - do. Your life, in exchange for mine, and I... I...

I'm sorry, nii-san...For my ignorance, maybe,... For every anger you bear, for every waste you feel, because you have every right to do so... Because you have to put up with me, because of...

I came to your grave today. There were flowers for you, red, yellow, colours, and a lot of letter... You are missed, nii-san, so much...

To them, in comparison, my white lilies seem pale. But that was the best I could manage... And, it's just my assumption, that you like something pure and light.

Nii-san... I miss you...

Sincerely, Yours

* * *

Hey nii-san,

It is two days since your birthday, and... It feels hollow. So blank... I just bought your present as usual, a katana, but then stopped dead. To remember that you can no longer use it anymore...

A burning sensation built in my throat, and there was fire in my eyes. It hurt...

And nobody remembers your special day, no one - like you were never here, at all. It is still normal, perfectly normal, but it isn't. That day was anything but normal. Father and Hanabi weren't supposed to train, the Main House members weren't supposed to be so casual like that, they weren't supposed to.

And Naruto-kun... Naruto-kun wasn't supposed to ask me out!

I should feel happy, at that moment, nii-san. And I did, I did, I do. I do feel happy.

But something was missing that moment, something I can't quite put a finger on...

I felt natural, and it is unusual. No blushing. No fireworks. No fluttery feeling in my stomach, no butterflies, no... anything. Nothing.

And it frightened me that I feel just like that around Kiba-kun and Shino-kun.

Nii-san, that spark inside me whenever I look at Naruto-kun, where is it?

Being asked out by Naruto-kun has been my dream for forever, but when that dream finally came true, it was nothing like I imagined. It was comfortable and warm, it was laughter and joke.

Everything I had wanted, and yet nothing was the same...

I always think of love, not as all-pink and paper hearts, not chocolate - no, that fantasy was of a twelve-year-old. Inside, I think of it as wanting someone to be safe, as doing anything for a person to make him happy, to see him smile, to feel his presence near and be assured by the warmth... I think of it as something I once felt for Naruto-kun... Not what I feel for him now.

Nii-san, is every change bad? Is _my_ change bad?

Sincerely, Yours

P.S: If you are reading this now... That katana, I left it under the pillow of your room. Happy birthday nii-san.

* * *

 _They told me who was in trouble_

 _I couldn't breathe on the other side of the world_

 _And there was nothing I could do to help you_

 _And it's true today it'd be your birthday_

 _It would've been your 27th year_

 _And I miss you in the earth's atmosphere_

 _I wish you were here_

* * *

Hey nii-san,

The ceremony has just finished, and I am now officially the Head of the Hyuga Clan.

The whole family - Main House and Branch House - was there.

The elders, represented by grandfather Hiro, made a speech. An unnecessarily flowery and drop-dead long one.

It was forever, but father finally walked up to me.

He looked as usual, stoic and unemotional. It wasn't like his own daughter's sort-of coronation could beat something into his face, but I didn't expect that.

Father just took a knife, cut himself, and used his own blood to draw a seal on my hand.

It burnt through my bloodstream, it hurt...

And my eyes met your mother's.

Nii-san, she was there. She was still fine, still gentle and soft as ever. She gave me a little smile, the tender and genuine smile so beautiful and familiar...

That smile reminded me of you, of how you used to smile when you were still four. Of how happy you were back then, when life still hadn't changed you.

Are you in heaven now? And if you are, do you smile?

I miss that smile, nii-san.

And your presence, always silent, that had me feeling both tense and reassured at the same time. The tiny smirk you always hid...

Nii-san... I want to see your smile again...

Sincerely, Yours

* * *

 _I go back, back, back, and every memory you're there_

 _But the clock ticks over every minute we shared_

 _On my knees begging for it not to be true_

 _But it was you, was you, was you, it was you._

* * *

Hey nii-san,

It has been two years since the last time I wrote to you. Two long years. And you will never guess what's happened ever since!

Sasuke-kun finally mustered up the guts to propose to Sakura-chan. Yup, you read it right. Unbelievable, I know. I can almost hear you chuckle, deep voice full of amusement "That bastard and the pink-haired medic nin? No way!". Though, I am happy for them. After all these drama, I think Sasuke-kun and Sakura-chan deserve some happiness.

Naruto-kun became the seventh Hokage. He was as 'energetic' as ever, and his first day... wasn't very peaceful, to say the least. Still, he was a good Nanadaime, and I believe he will be a good leader... After all, it is his lifetime-long dream, he will not screw it up... yet.

Lee-kun and Tenten-chan are on a relationship. OK, you can stop looking at me with that blank stare of yours now. Their relationship is, uh, pretty interesting. One minute, they are throwing kunais at each other (Tenten-chan is exceptionally good at that), and the next thay are kissing senseless. I don't understand. Is that their own kind of love?

And I... well, everyone has changed. And... I wish I could say the same about me. But that would be a lie... Because I haven't. People are moving forward, and I'm struggling behind. I am still a failure, stuck a weakling...

Nii-san...

It has been two years since the day I became the Head. Two long years.

Aside from my responsibilities as a Head and a medic-nin, I have achieved nothing.

Main House and Branch House are still seperated.

Branch House members still have to bear the curse seal.

There are still patients died under my care.

Still S-Class missions I failed to accomplish.

And... I'm sorry.

For not being strong.

For not being able to successfully lead the clan.

For being weak.

For such a waste.

For everything you could have done if you were the Head...

And... I will change that. Because I won't allow myself to stop. I refuse be the dead weight. I am not going. to waste your sacrifice. For my life, is now yours too.

Tomorrow, I will be the strong kunoichi. Tomorrow, I will stand up and begin my job to unite the Main and the Branch. Tomorrow.

But today... Just today... Nii-san, please, let me be that four-year-old girl who cried her heart out on you shirt...

Sincerely, Yours

* * *

 _I want, want to tell you about the news today_

 _But you wouldn't believe me, you'd laugh it away_

 _There's a ghost standing at the foot of my bed_

 _And it's you, it's you, it's you, it was you._

* * *

Nii-san,

I finally did it! I found a way to erase that curse. Main House and Branch House aren't completely one, but at least the boundary is no longer there. At this rate, in the near future, the Hyuuga clan will be one again.

I finally do something right.

This was what you wished for, right? No longer the slavery. The clan, itself, is changing, and for the better.

Nii-san... Are you proud of me?

I hope you are.

Wherever you are now.

Sincerely, Yours

* * *

I am a member of ANBU now, nii-san. It was almost like a dream!

Believe it or not, Shikamaru-kun was the one who accepted me. A member of this team, how cool is that!

Of course, if you were still here, you would be a member too. Maybe even the captain.

I wil carry your part, nii-san. And live your life, the life you never have, the life you deserve.

So watch me.

Sincerely, Yours

* * *

Hey nii-san,

So, I am not writing this. And I would be too paralyzed to hold the pen anyway.

I am just thinking, actually.

The night is quiet, especially in here - the middle of the forest.

So this is how my life will end. Alone in Suna, killed in my first solo mission of ANBU.

But right now, death isn't eternal hurt and suffering. It was only cold. So cold...

My lung's hurting, my throat cut. There is no air, and I'm suffocating. Every breath I take was fire in my body. The poison is affecting my senses, travelling to my heart.

There is no time left for me.

It is so cold...

It even hurt to think. My vision is blurry. Trees and darkness, mixing and shadowing into a crazy mess. Stars twinkling up there are just some dim white spots. I can't even hear anything but for blood rushing through my vein and my heart beating loudly. Funny how the last beat is always the desperate one.

It is said that one's life will rewind the moment he is to leave this world.

And I see you, giving me a flower.

You, holding me and let me cry when my father is disappointed with me.

Then you, the hatred in your eyes directed at me.

Wanting to kill me.

The little pat on my head and that small, satisfied smile whenever I did something right.

How you let me sit in your lap and lull me to sleep, soothing words whispered and your hand stroke my hair.

In heaven, can you see me now?

It feels numb. I can't even move a muscle.

Nii-san, I can feel my body weakening. Soon enough, there will be no Hyuga Hinata in this world anymore.

This is the end.

Hey...

Do you remember...

I told you what love, to me, is. You know, it frightened me, not only because I changed, but because that definition... it fits my feeling for you.

Do you remember...

How you used to tell me fairytales, all begin with "Once Upon A Time" and end with "Happily Ever After". You smiled, brightly, and told me I would always be your whole life, your "Once Upon A Time" and your "Happily Ever After", with so much certainty that I immediately believed you.

Nii-san... I never tell you, but you always were my "Happily Ever After". You were, you were, you are.

And you will be up there, waiting patiently for me, and I know you will...

I guess this is goodbye, huh...

So... I will see you again, nii-san. Over the hills and far away...

Always and Forever your Happily Ever After,

Sincerely, Yours

Hinata Hy-

* * *

 _Instead of just in my dreams and in my imagination_

 _Confusing me completely from another dimension_

 _Can you see the beauty from a new beginning somewhere?_

 _'Cause I feel like I won't repair with time._


End file.
